"I am a parenting genius" ...

Is only true prior to becoming an actual parent. True fact. Another true fact is that even AFTER becoming a parent, one might still tell themselves that they are, in fact, a parenting genius but it will certainly be proven otherwise just as soon as that smug little gem is uttered or thought of. 


Before I became a mother, I was a pediatric nurse. I had an unending supply of patience and an uncanny knack for soothing even the most colicky baby to a sound slumber. I had tips and tricks for every parenting pitfall and from my perspective, they seemed to work. And then Declan was born... 


Suddenly, I could no longer settle my own wild, milk-drunk fuss monkey to sleep. As soon as I discovered the tight swaddle/hair dryer cd  was working (It took several nights to notice) I thought, "I am a parenting genius"... and he immediately had a growth spurt that doubled his strength and allowed him to burst forth out of the swaddle. Sad day. 


You think I would have learned. Oh, but that smarmy streak of mine is long and wide and it gets me every time. EVERY STINKIN' TIME!!! Such as my solution to the diaper-unfastening trick he's been mastering. 

Remember this?

As luck would have it, he does enjoy using the big boy potty. I've learned that it's best to put him on the potty about 10 minutes after eating. It saves me a diaper. Also, he seems to handle his business as soon as I walk out of the bathroom. Maybe he likes the privacy. Also, if he doesn't have to go, he manages to climb off the potty and flip it upside down. Also. Also. Also. Oh Katy, when will you ever learn ? 

This morning Declan nursed then he ate then I put him on the big boy potty. I left to make the bed (Seriously, our house is tiny. I'm actually only about 10 feet away from my son as I do this. ) and give him his privacy. No sooner do I turn my back than  that mental pat on the back worms it's way into my crazy mom brain. "Look at me! Multi-tasking! My son needs his privacy. He would NEVER turn a full potty over. He only does that when he is bored and doesn't need to go! My son is a little baby genius and I AM A PARENTING GENIUS!" Immediately after that thought has been thunk, I hear a clanging clink sound. I take two steps and I'm in the bathroom... with my son happily clanging his upside-down potty while it's former contents decorate the floor. 

And I suddenly hear a different voice in my head. It belongs to my mother-in-law and she's telling me the story of... (Cindy, you know what the story is about.) Nevermind. The story is not important. Only the moral. Let's just leave with the thought that Declan is his father's son.