Wednesday, February 13, 2013

L.P.D.C. "Who am I?"

My dear friend, Erica, encouraged me on facebook to participate in a photo-of-the-day Lenten challenge. I decided to go for it. The link above will explain. So I thought I'd post them here with just a few words. If this is too introspective, please forgive me. I try not to do too much navel-gazing or philosophize too much here but Lent is a time of renewal... so I'm doing it.

The first day's prompt is "Who am I?"

"Who am I?"

I was known in my family/circle/pool-that-i-lifeguarded-at for always having my toes done. It's my thing. The pedi has always got to be fresh. I've had a foot obsession all of my life (as my parents will attest). Currently my toes are painted in a sandy textured purple glitter polish. No one in my current/recent life knows this about me unless they've seen me in sandals.

Maybe it's because I'm a mom or maybe it's because I'm a wife. Maybe it's because I no longer work  for a paycheck. Maybe it's because I am recovering from a bout with the flu and household stress has been weighing pretty heavy on me... or maybe it's because I've washed and folded and put away what feels like a dozen loads of laundry over the past 2 days... but some days I feel like I've lost myself. Like "Katy: The individual" is taking a backseat to a mountain of laundry. 

I initially took a photo of two little backpacks. 

I had just filled them. "Who am I? I'm a mom, I guess. " I thought.

Up to the point where I picked up my camera to take this shot last minute, I had just spent every second of  today being "Mama". I took one potty, carried the other downstairs, made little breakfasts, changed a diaper, put little shirts and pants and socks on little bodies, smooched little faces, wiped little noses, folded and hung up more little clothes than you could shake a stick at,broke up a fight then it was time  to make lunch...I could go on but I won't because I think you probably get the idea.  I didn't have time to drink water.  I was non-stop moving.

"So maybe I should take a picture of the backpacks I just filled" I thought.

And then I looked down...

I saw my purple glitter toes looking up at me from the kitchen floor I've walked across hundreds of times today alone... Kissing "bonked noggs", giving lots of hugs, making little tiny peace treaties with my little tiny humans that God blessed me with. 

This is my life.

But there they were. 

Staring back at me. The last vestige of my individual self.

In the picture they look far away and distant... You can't tell that they have glitter. You can't really even distinguish if they're even purple at all. 

That's Ok. 

I've always loved "making the ouchies go away" and cooking nourishing food for people that I love and hugging little tiny humans... The nature to nuture has always been a part of me, this wife-mama aspect. But Wife-Mama took a backseat while Purple Sparkly Toes did her thing. Now it's Purple Sparkly Toes turn to sit back. This is not her time to shine. 

This is Wife-Mama's season. (Purple Sparkly Toes is still there, though.)

No comments: