Dear Aengus...

Dear Sweet Aengus,

          June 1st was your due date. Can you imagine how incredibly large you would have been had you baked another 3 weeks? Holy smokes. I'm still stunned. I know I should have written this post to/for/about you when you turned one on May 11th. Please know that I was really just waiting on the family party so that I could post pictures of you with your big boy cupcake. It had nothing to do with putting in an offer on a house on your actual birthday. I swear. It also had nothing to do with procrastinating due to the fact that I just can't bear to wrap my mind around how it's already been over an entire year since you looked like this:

I can't swear to that one, though. 

I really cannot believe it's only been a year since you were born. Reflecting on the experience of when you and I shared a body and then when you were born, what sticks out in my mind the most about that time is how palpable the feeling of falling in love with you was. And how immediate. 

Maybe it's because you had been through so much with me already by the time you were born. You were the promise of light during a very dark time in my life. I was so miserable and depressed in Lynchburg but then there was you. The promise of you reached a place inside of me that even your darling brother and your amazing father couldn't touch. You were on your way through the entire time and the hope of meeting you was what pulled me through.

 And then, suddenly, there you were, Precious Boy, and I couldn't smell your perfect scent or let any part of my body graze your perfect skin without instantly falling asleep in a dizzying, oxytocin-induced haze. You made it all better, Aengus. You lifted my depression and made my whole world bright again.

And all it took was your smile. 

I cannot believe how seamlessly you fit into our family. How lucky we are that we got yet another happy baby (Two in a row?!? WOW!!!) and how much you've changed in just a year's time. You've gone from a roly-poly punkin' head...

To a lanky, leggy wild boy in the blink of an eye. 

All the while, doling out the sunshine wherever you go.

Aengus, I am so incredibly proud of how you talk and play and climb. How you roll with the punches...

But take every bit of it in stride...

You do everything your own way and in your own time...

And your smile brightens our world, beautiful boy!

Thank you for giving me a year that was so amazing that I wish I could rewind and live it all over again. 

Happy First Birthday, Aengus!

May you have a hundred more!