L.P.D.C. "injustice"

Lenten Photo of the Day Challenge

The prompt for the day is "Injustice"

Of course I should be out on the street looking for injustice , but one could turn on any news channel and see hundreds of examples of injustice in the world at large. As much as it pains me to admit, there are examples of injustice in my very own home. 

This is my beautiful first born, Declan. 

He is an amazing kid!

 He is full of energy and strong as an ox.

HE NEVER SITS STILL. EVER.

 He is curious and incredibly kind. 

He is strong-willed and stubborn. 

As a mother who has struggled with Attention Deficit issues my entire life, I recognize too many of these traits that my genetic code has passed on to him. 

I feel like I have failed him simply by passing these difficulties on to him. 

I fear that I don't have what it takes to mother him the way he needs to be mothered. 

Children with A.D.H.D. need consistent boundaries. They need gentle discipline. 

I feel like all I ever do is put him in time out. 

I feel like I scold too much or too harshly. 

I pray daily for patience it takes to repeat myself over and over again without getting testy. I pray for the wisdom in finding the ability to strike the right balance between giving him the discipline he needs and the celebration of his unique and wonderful gifts of spirit. 

I don't ever want him to feel like a bad kid, because he's not a bad kid. He's an awesome kid. 

I don't want him to lose his glorious smile

But for all the prayers, I still feel completely inadequate when it comes to being his mother. 

He was born first to a mom who has no idea what she's doing.

He was born on the cusp of August and September so he can either be the youngest kid in class or the oldest.

He was an only child for such a brief moment. 

The world is not fair but we have to do our best to be as fair as possible. 

Please pray with me that I can be the kind of mom he needs. 

L.P.D.C. "See"

Lenten Photo of the day challenge

The prompt today was "See"

**Spoiler alert**

 My family is my whole wide world so pretty much all of the pictures I post are going to be of them. If you do not enjoy pictures of the world's greatest dogs, impossibly beautiful children and a breathtakingly handsome husband/father then you better lurk someone else's blog. 

This is Aengus. He's my youngest heartthrob. Here he was playing in a blackout tent and peeked out to say "Faprise!" 

I see a bright light in a dark place when I look at this picture. 

This is my Aengus.

L.P.D.C. "Return"

http://rethinkchurch.org/article/lenten-photo-day-challenge

Today's photo prompt was "Return"

I have two photos from today and they are both of the same subject.

Both I find to be visually interesting images as well as fitting. 

Is there any coincidence that "Dog" is "GOD" spelled backwards?

What if we remembered that a dog's faithful love is the way God loves us broken down into small enough pieces for our feeble human minds to understand? 

Faithful.

Devoted.

Forgiving.

Unconditional. 

(even when we skip a walk or are too slow filling up the water)

So incredibly happy to see us return. 

L.P.D.C. "Who am I?"

http://rethinkchurch.org/article/lenten-photo-day-challenge

My dear friend, Erica, encouraged me on facebook to participate in a photo-of-the-day Lenten challenge. I decided to go for it. The link above will explain. So I thought I'd post them here with just a few words. If this is too introspective, please forgive me. I try not to do too much navel-gazing or philosophize too much here but Lent is a time of renewal... so I'm doing it.

The first day's prompt is "Who am I?"

"Who am I?"

I was known in my family/circle/pool-that-i-lifeguarded-at for always having my toes done. It's my thing. The pedi has always got to be fresh. I've had a foot obsession all of my life (as my parents will attest). Currently my toes are painted in a sandy textured purple glitter polish. No one in my current/recent life knows this about me unless they've seen me in sandals.

Maybe it's because I'm a mom or maybe it's because I'm a wife. Maybe it's because I no longer work  for a paycheck. Maybe it's because I am recovering from a bout with the flu and household stress has been weighing pretty heavy on me... or maybe it's because I've washed and folded and put away what feels like a dozen loads of laundry over the past 2 days... but some days I feel like I've lost myself. Like "Katy: The individual" is taking a backseat to a mountain of laundry. 

I initially took a photo of two little backpacks. 

I had just filled them. "Who am I? I'm a mom, I guess. " I thought.

Up to the point where I picked up my camera to take this shot last minute, I had just spent every second of  today being "Mama". I took one potty, carried the other downstairs, made little breakfasts, changed a diaper, put little shirts and pants and socks on little bodies, smooched little faces, wiped little noses, folded and hung up more little clothes than you could shake a stick at,broke up a fight then it was time  to make lunch...I could go on but I won't because I think you probably get the idea.  I didn't have time to drink water.  I was non-stop moving.

"So maybe I should take a picture of the backpacks I just filled" I thought.

And then I looked down...

I saw my purple glitter toes looking up at me from the kitchen floor I've walked across hundreds of times today alone... Kissing "bonked noggs", giving lots of hugs, making little tiny peace treaties with my little tiny humans that God blessed me with. 

This is my life.

But there they were. 

Staring back at me. The last vestige of my individual self.

In the picture they look far away and distant... You can't tell that they have glitter. You can't really even distinguish if they're even purple at all. 

That's Ok. 

I've always loved "making the ouchies go away" and cooking nourishing food for people that I love and hugging little tiny humans... The nature to nuture has always been a part of me, this wife-mama aspect. But Wife-Mama took a backseat while Purple Sparkly Toes did her thing. Now it's Purple Sparkly Toes turn to sit back. This is not her time to shine. 

This is Wife-Mama's season. (Purple Sparkly Toes is still there, though.)

Romans 12:15

Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep. 

There is not a single parent or teacher in this country unable to feel the same aching pit of grief deep in the gut that I've had since hearing the news on Friday. Most of us have no connection to anyone in Newtown, Ct but it doesn't matter. Those twenty little faces may have just as well been in our scout troop or on our swim team or running past us in the church hall. Those teachers are the same teachers we bravely (but confidently) trust our most precious treasures to at the beginning of every school year (and rightfully so. They EACH gave their life attempting to protect their little students).

This feels local.

And it should. 

It should feel personal. 

Because it could happen anywhere. Be it in an Amish school house or at the local elementary school two blocks away. 

Right now 26 families are planning funerals.

20 families are trying to decide what to do with the Christmas gifts that their 6 and 7 year olds will never open. 

With the beds that didn't get made friday morning.

 With a laundry basket full of size 6x play clothes. 

How to remind the baby of the big brother she'll barely remember in 3 years time but won't stop asking for now. 

Some people have said that it's because we kicked God out of schools. As if God would EVER abandon these little ones. As if GOD caused or willed this evil act to happen. 

Not MY God.

 My God is a loving God. 

He instilled the bravery in these courageous teachers. He erased the fear these children surely must have felt. He HOLDS THESE FAMILIES CLOSE.
He lost a Son as well. 

It's personal for God too. 

Please join me in continuing to pray for our teachers, our students, our schools, our Country and our law makers. Please pray that Mental Health Care becomes more easily accessible than the weapon used to ruin 26 families. Please pray for safety in our schools.
Please pray for these forever changed families that they find peace.

This boy...

Turned 3 last week.

My sweet, beautiful Declan has grown up so much this last year. He LOVES rocket ships, bubbles, books, firetrucks and "playing guys"(This is like playing cars or trucks but with good guys/bad guys action figures but in Declan world they all are friends and practice manners ... "Oh NO, Pider man, are You ok?" "Yeah, Gween Gwobin, I OK!")  and he LOVES being a big brother. He listens and minds his mama 95% of the time and he's such a loving guy! He is quick with a laugh and a universe-brightening smile!

Benjamin Declan England, you are such a brilliant ball of joy! You make me so incredibly proud to be your mama EVERY SINGLE DAY! I hope you never lose your exuberant belly laugh, your intense curiosity and that beautifully kind heart (just like your daddy!). You make up for a hundred bad guys, Declan England, and the world is so much better as long as your little feet are walking on it!

Hot, Cranky and Annoyed.

It has been hot here. I mean really hot. We just moved into our new house and within days, the AC went out and then temperatures soared into the high 90's and low 100's. What. The. CRAP! 

Holy Redheaded-baby- in-the-Shade, Batman. 

We tried hard to find ways to keep the boys entertained AND ALSO beat the heat. Our biggest wins were the water table...

and the sprinkler...

I should also mention that the boys have recently decided to take their brotherly-loving relationship to the next level...

With noogies...

Choke holds, wailing...

Eye pokes...

and whining to try and deflect the trouble and make one's self look totally innocent. 

Good times. 

It's completely not given me a headache in the least bit... 

Oh wait, No, it has.

And if one more person tells me that I have my "Hands full" I may actually cry. 

(I hear that phrase at least 5 times an hour if I have both the boys together )

I don't think people realize how insulting it is when they say that to a mother brave enough to take her two wild, but very loved and treasured babies out to target (or the grocery store or to just run errands because how else are these things going to get done???). 

I really feel good about myself and capable (and maybe even a little bit like I can actually handle it) when I've got Aengus on my hip and Declan by the hand... 

but then some well-meaning member of the peanut gallery shatters that with a thoughtless figure of speech and I am crushed.

All I can think is "What a mess I must look like..."

 It's never from people who know what it's like to have babies back to back (or even multiples). 

Those people are the ones that end up making my day with their comments of 

"It will get better, Dear."

 and

 "Do your best to enjoy it because it goes by much too fast"

or

 "You are doing SUCH a great job." 

In order to avoid ending this blog on a grumpy note, I'm going to post pictures from Father's day weekend of some of my favorite, heart-exploding images of AWESOMENESS...

Baby Cousin Automotive repair...

"I'm just gonna poke this dot right here, Britton, let's see if that does the trick..."
"That's smart thinking, Aengus. It'll probably work..."

"Success!!!"

Awesome, slightly older boy cousins who know how to have a great time on a leaf-covered trampoline

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery...

My whole wide world on a picnic table bench...

Happy July!